Coronavirus | Zondag met Lubach (S11)

Nederland is in de ban van het coronavirus. In veel verschillende media werden veelgestelde vragen beantwoord. Ook wij behandelen vragen over corona.

Dit is het elfde seizoen van Zondag met Lubach. Zeven dagen nieuws in dertig minuten, satirisch geremixt door Arjen Lubach. Vanachter een desk. Voor een publiek. In een pak. Op een stoel. In een auto. Nee, niet in een auto. Zondag met Lubach, zo goed als nieuws. #ZondagMetLubach zie je iedere week om 21.20 uur op #NPO3 en YouTube. #ZML

Deze video komt uit uitzending 3 van seizoen 11 van Zondag met Lubach: https://www.vpro.nl/zondag-met-lubach/kijk/afleveringen/seizoen-11/aflevering-3.html

https://www.vpro.nl/zml
https://www.npo3.nl/zondagmetlubach

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Transcript

Thank you. Good evening,
welcome to Sunday with Lubach!The Netherlands is under the spell
of the coronavirus.The virus is finally in the Netherlands
arrived this week.And it was followed as a species
Maarten van der Weijden who theElfstedentocht is swimming.Just before this broadcast started we received the news that the corona virus …has also been found in
the border region of Limburg.At 20 km from the Netherlands,
I heard in my ear,in Germany.We are now switching to
Dionne Stax on a bridgeacross the Maas. Can you see it already?Yes, he's coming. What a hero!This was Tuesday, but Thursday
there was an extra NOS broadcastcalled …"The corona virus:
Facts and fables. "I would add it to the facts myself
but everyone has tomake their own assessment.And during that live broadcast Minister Bruno Bruinsannounced the big news.Mr. Bruins you just received a note.Yes, it has just been confirmed that there
is a patient with the corona virusin the Netherlands.It pertains a man
who is being treated in isolation …in the Tweesteden Hospital
in Tilburg.Shocking news of course,
but not really surprisingthat it was in Brabant, right?Not any less bad or anything, but
just somehowNot very surprising.I mean if you should have guessed out of the 12 provinces:definitely Brabant. Just a feeling.But it is even more shocking
of course if you know the patientin question.The news went out looking for someone
who knows the man in question.I know him, in question, yes. It's a shame he has to go through this.Such a disease is ALSO very rotten
for the one who has it.In the corona broadcast of the NOS
were not just experts …but also ordinary people were allowed
asking questions.There were thousands of questions
submitted.So then it's a lot of work to pick
creative responses …that really add something to
the broadcast. Apparently.Saida. Responses to the news that there
there is a first coronainfection in the Netherlands.Truus Rozinga: 'first corona patient
in the Netherlands'. She watched the broadcast.Yes. Very nice.I only believe things from the news
when they show a tweet …from a viewer that saw the same thing as meexactly five minutes ago.Okay, I have a Bruno Brown suspicion this might not bethe most informative … What?Eh …I'll take the salad.Without capers.Thank you.But if those viewers DID
ask a real question, they weren't answered, but laughed at.80,000 infections,
What are we even talking about?The latter, that we have
talked about.At the former I saw you started laughing: what are weeven talking about?Does it help if I turn up the temperature?You had to laugh at that thermostat
question.Another question: my husband
coughs blood when sneezing.Yes, Professor Osterhaus,
you couldn't stop laughing, I noticed.The NOS was not the only one
who answered questions.This is the Limburg L1:Five questions about the corona virus
in Limburg.RTL thought, we can top that:The 6 most important questions about
the coronavirus.The AD let us count:Are those quarantines not slightly
over the top?And six other questions.
So six plus ONE is seven.Then Het Parool: What exactly is up
with the corona virus?Everything you need to know
in 15 questions.So that's 15 plus that one but that
was already 15, so 15.But the winner is
Heart of the Netherlands:Hart van Nederland answers
ALL questions about the corona virus!I like that, but I think it's quite a lot, and it is Hart vanThe Netherlands…so of course those are
questions like:Can you get corona?
from the camping wifi?How is Jop from the Bus doing?And: Can you also eat fries raw?And we can't stay behind either and will answerquestions about corona.Viewers were allowed to submit questions,
you did that en masse.Thanks for that.
We're not going to do anything with it.Because we ourselves have a number of pressing questions.Your questions also pressed.But there was nothing really there
that PRESSED and it canalways be more pressing.We will start with question 1:
Washing hands: do or don't?Good question, but also a bit
worrying.So much was said about
hand washing this week …that it seemed like half the Netherlands
has been stroking all the white bunsin the canteen with hands full of shit snot yogurt and pussince 1993And so in every talk show
hand washing tips were shared.What a health expert today
the Red Cross told me:You must realize: your hand has
not two sides, but four.She doesn't say which four.One two three four five.Hmm, which you shouldn't
Wash?And she doesn't say
how high it must be.My rule: hand, wrist too,
bit by, only when it tickleshave you gone too far. Lol.You have to make sure you wash every corner, wash everything well.Hey, Marco van Basten!That's nice,
but also a bit exciting.I hope he doesn't sneeze,
and he gets in trouble again.Sie … sie … sieg heil!You never know with Marco.Next question.What exactly did Lucia Rijker do?
on the toilet?Yes. I was watching OP1.And there, out of the blue, Willemijn Veenhoven asked the next questionto Lucia Rijker.May I tell viewers that
I just met you on the toiletand how that went?Wow. This is not a question you want to be asked on live TV.Because what should Lucia Rijker say now?If she says 'no', you know for sure
that it is something embarrassing.But if she says yes, then that Willemijn will tell them.So, I am curious.Yes of course.
Sounds a bit crazy.I don't know you yet, it is
maybe a little weird, but youcame out of the toilet …and we shake hands.And later in the conversation it turned out that you
had not washed your hands yet.Then I thought: That doesn't matter.Willemijn Veenhoven throws Lucia de Rijker under the dirty people bus.Yes, you try and talk yourself out of that one. I was on my way to wash my hands, and then you came and stood in between. Aha! Willemijn is the dirty one!So here at a glance: well your
whole hand, everywhere, four sides,nine fingers …and meanwhile try and kick off Willemijn Veenhoven, otherwise you canyou start all over again.Next question.
COUGHDo we need to blow off certain events? Good question.Uh … Yes. I'm afraid so.They are difficult decisions,
but I still notice that nobody else wants to make this call.So then it's up to me.
Here it comes.First of all: The Formula 1.Yes…It seemed so nice to me too
those flat seals, but no.The Grand Prix of Zandvoort is
unfortunately canceledbecause of the coronavirus.Then also: the Songfestival.And this will hurt me even more if possible
.Unfortunately this too has been canceled."Zero pwen" for lovers of
the Euro-Australian-Israelisong.And it gets worse.Because for the Songfestival applies:
Unfortunately, it's not just about itthis year.But the Eurovision is even
canceled forever.That will never come back.Then you can say: how drastic
but then I say: it's abouthuman lives. You don't toy with that.Then. Next question:
Home quarantine, how do you do that?Good question!De Volkskrant looked into that."At home with corona infection:
don't hug, no sex,keep a distance of two meters. "I think I have exactly this phrase on one of those Xenos boards!We in this house
we don't cuddle, we don't have sex,we keep 2 meters away.It hangs next to: Home is where you
stay away from me with your paws.It could have been shorter by the way
I think, that Volkskrant headline.Namely only:
Keep 2 meters away.That makes the other rather
unnecessary.Smart guy who still puts it in then.Next question:
Does this affect the economy?Yes, also a good question.It certainly affects the economy,
because trade with China is stalling.They also notice that
the Xenos-like plate sector.Dutch companies also suffer from the coronavirus.For example, the
wholesale in garden suppliesin Enschede.This is a typical product
that we get from China.But if these types of products are not available anymore,that is a disaster!Soon the visitors will stand for hours
hesitating at a garden gate.Do you think we are welcome?
It says nothing.Okay, next question!Where can people call to ask questions
?There is now a nationwide
phone number opened …because first everyone called the
RIVM, and those people had no more timefor their work.Because really everyone called RIVM.The idea behind it is that RIVM
and GGD are thereby spared a bitbecause they are called non-stop with
questions.If all goes well we now have
Jaap van Dissel from the RIVMon the phone.Hang up!This is typical
Goeie morgen Nederland.You can also see supermarkets
becoming empty, a worryingdevelopment.Our reporter buys at this
moment the last bags of ricein The Netherlands.Next. Is there
anything else happening in the world?Also a good question, because it seems
as if corona is everything.But if you look closely,
a lot is happening right now.Because people think: Oh, everyone is
busy with corona, I'll push my badnews through now.Do you understand? Look: Israel announces
a new settlementin Palestinian territory.3500 homes, not allowed by the UN.
Hardly any attention. Or this:Erdogan opens the Turkish border
for refugees.Normally
have been front page news …but now it is completely gone
in the corona sea. Or here:Kees van der Staaij wants to continue
as a SGP leader.Sure, exactly this week. What a shredded PR-machine!So yes, everything happens,
but well, nobody cares.Next question. COUGH.
Is there a medicine yet? Good question.Because there is ONE news item this week, that drives mecompletely crazy.It started a few days ago with
a message from EenVandaag about onemedicine manufacturer from the Netherlands.Here: Jan Willem's company
Popma is the only producerin the Netherlands…the so-called chloroquine
that seems to work against itthe rapidly spreading virus.First: I didn't think so.The one who saves the world
is called Jan Willem Popma!To the Pop mobile!Second: after this you heard
suddenly nothing left.Few days later, suddenly yesterday
again on the NOS website:Dutch manufacturer
produces remedy for coronavirus!No push message, not on CNN,
but a mini messageon the NOS site.What is this about? Why do I hear
nothing further about this?And then they continue
with their non-messages:No cherry flower festivals
Japan!What is this reporting?28 children have been sitting for three weeks
stuck in the bank vault.How dangerous is that?Do they still have oxygen?
The world sympathizes.Then! Mr. Jansen from Blaricum
has had the key for a whileof that vault.It really fits exactly and it can go
within twenty minutes.Soon: how are the children
into their fourth week?Okay, time for ONE more question
guys?Can I still go on vacation?
Good question.Because where are you still safe?
Half the world has since been infected.But look on the bright side:This is the perfect opportunityto take a nice long break.Do you find ONE week of vacation too little?
And two weeks too expensive?Then book one of our
quarantine deals.This is Cor and I am Ona.
Together we are: travel agency Onacor.Book a weekend
on one of our fantasticlocations and we do the rest.We are planting a corona patient
in your hotel…leaving you stuck for at least a month, within 1 hour of arrival!Rent a luxury lockdown lodge now
or covid cottage …in ONE of our pandemic parks.
Just not allowed to leave at all!We are active in Wuhan, Tenerife,
Lombardia and Van der Valk Diemen.We are everywhere. It's going
very fast right now.100% force majeure guarantee.You recognize our customers everywhere
from their happy smile.Yes, that's ONE from Onacor!Onacor, the incubation period
of your life!

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